Most of my personal posts are either on private or just gets deleted after a while. I haven’t used any public “outlet” only because personally, the world doesn’t need to know my business. You leave your heart out to the public, you don’t have much left for anyone else to uncover.
If you want to get to know a person, make the effort to see them. Don’t resort to their blog. If you want to know what’s wrong with someone, ask them. Don’t resort to snooping around their blog. If you haven’t seen someone in a while, don’t wait for them to post a picture up on Tumblr, go out and see them.
It becomes this secrecy of “caring” for someone just because you get constant updates from Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr.
A lot of words get put up on here, but not a lot are being said in person.
I don’t understand why some people choose to end conversations this way. Is that some way to guilt trip me? To make me feel the intensity of your hatred after an argument with one letter? Like a “Oh, I’m mad and annoyed by you so I’ll just text you this because it’s a socially accepted way to say so.” Just don’t bother at all. But I mean, if that’s a way for you to utilize your unlimited text messaging..
I clicked “text” because a burst of inspiration finally came over me.
But I closed the tab.. because 20 minutes of trying to conjure up a well-thought out post should be spent on trying to finish up this Lab report.
So instead, I clicked it again and took 2 making this one.
Hi Everyone.
You never really have to say anything “hurtful.” You just know how to guilt trip everyone.
You’re too adorable and very easy to get along with. Friendly and warm-welcoming. You dont have to try so hard to get my attention. You smirk and smile at me and there you go. You give that look, sometimes with your finger up to warn me that you’ll do something.. cool. But i just smile at you because it doesn’t end up the way you want to. You try again and it works. You laugh, and say you’ve been trying to surpass me. Nice to know I crossed your mind at least once. Hope to see you soon. Chill.
“You dont let people in. You’d be one thing, then youre another. You never tell anyone whats on your mind and what youre feeling.
There are two things:
1) For two weeks we’d be the closest friends ever. Hangout and shit. Then the next two, we wont even talk. You do a “come here, go away” thing.
2) You don’t tell anyone whats bothering you. We know you got it. But as a friend, i wanna know whats going on and why youre not okay. Then on a random day, you’d just tell me and id be like, ‘damn i didn’t know she was going through that.’
Real shit, michelle.. Youre hard to figure out.”
Personally, I just learned and got used to getting back on my feet.. on my own. “You’re like, one step ahead.” As a result, Im leaving everyone else behind. Everyone has their own to deal with and if anything, I know I’ll be okay.. Eventually. I enjoy having my time alone while I figure everything out. I dont need to strain myself with trying to figure out how to explain myself because I cant. I dont know how. When Im troubled, words will be jumbled and I get too messy- complicated. When Im ready, I’ll be out and about again.
I know deep down in the bottom of my heart and in the back of my mind I hold grudges. You’re forgiven but its mosdef not forgotten. It follows me. I’ll forget (sometimes) certain things that were said but ill remember how you made me feel. Sometimes, I lose faith in trying to talk to someone to make myself feel better. Because my problems will still be there. If anything, I have double the things to think about. Yes, Im given advice but in the end, no one can make anything happen but me. I dont wanna burden my friends with my problems when I know they go through worst things. I wont do something I dont believe in just because someone said I should. If they’re right then oh well, its on me. Im following my instincts so I wont have to blame anyone else. Mistakes will be lessons learned. If its not, then history will repeat itself.
Damn, I commend my friends for putting up with me..
Im just rambling now, sorry.
I can’t tell if i’m really good at being alone or if i’m just too use to it.
Its sad, but I mean sometimes I realize that I’m choosing to. I don’t mean to, but it just happens. I don’t even know if that made sense at all.
If youre going to fuck me over the way you did, the least thing you can do is give me an explanation. Dont ever leave me hanging. No answers, no anything. I deserve an explanation. You owe me that much.
However, it seems like you’re choosing every path but Happiness.
Come on, now.
I’d say yes. You never see that anymore. I think that’d be cute as fuck.
thank you, guys aren’t the ONLY ones that can ask. i like when girls ask :)
it makes it much much much cuter!
Oh trust, I’m not afraid to do this. Fun actually.
Hahaha, & I have. & I will :3
(via ajrfp)
KNUCKLE TOUCH! Today was truly.. bittersweet.
Golden Bear was stressful considering there were many last minute stuff we had to deal with.. We were late to Golden Bear. SGM told us to stay in the bus half the time, which made no sense when we’re supposed to be watching other schools and supporting our own school. Only had an hour to get ready. Such a pain when not everyone knows how to do hair.. Last minute stuff, and breaking tradition. After we finished getting dressed, formed up and had our eyes closed. JVs got their cords when they were supposed to get it by the end of the year.
Unarmed: Regulation- 3rd Place, Exhibition- 4th Place, Sweepstakes- 3rd Place & Commander’s Cup- 4th Place
Armed: Dual Man (Both JVs) 3rd place, Dual Man (Figueroa & Drouin) 2nd Place, & I don’t know what else
Novice CG #2: 9th Place
Which sucks the most was the fact that we couldn’t stay to hear them announce all these awards! Uggh, I still prefered last year’s experience though (=
Bus ride home was.. I don’t know. Currently lacking a better word to describe it. I’ve never cried that much for both good and bad things in a matter of two hours. Good thing I had my sunglasses. But I was inside. Which was awkward. All the advice I was given made my heart drop real fast. Shit hurts but it does because it’s real. Ay-shen always knows what to say.. I sat without any movement and just let it all go. I cried like I’ve never cried before. I had so much to say to a point where I didn’t know how to say them. Last competition for Hazel Reyes.. Sister talk.. Being left behind.. and it goes on and on.
“Can I ask you something?” “Sure. Go ahead” “It seems like you’re so depressed but somehow you smile like everything’s okay and you’re happy. Why?”
Seaport was lovely. I loved how it ended my day on great terms. Cool metallic painted guy making robot moves and noises. Pictures and videos! OH right when I was about to take a picture of Joanna, Hazel and Jeny.. someone taps me on my shoulder. I turned around and there was this guy and he recognized me from Tumblr. It was pretty cool cause we were yelling like “HEY! ITS YOUU! OMG.” Stuff like that. Took a picture with him. Nice hugs and unexpected meeting!
Food run Jack in the box and bought 6 tacos cause I was craving some and food for my ladies. Got dropped off home with a smile on my face.
Honestly don’t know what to say anymore. ‘Blind’ and the ‘mute.’ Whatever happens, happens!
You know the feeling of not being able to blog what you want to let out? Because there are such thing as “followers” who are waiting for your crying-ass and heated mouth to start raging so they’ll have something to talk about? Yeah, generally speaking.. people do get curious and so do I. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s a blog and you’re willing to post what your heart desires and what your mind consists of but damn. Sometimes these digital representation of what you’re thinking about and how you feel just need a place for it to go somewhere without people bugging.
Let it go, I’ll be as chill as a feather.
But this blog will get bi-polar as San Diego’s weather.
We’ll come through. We’ll set up a day, who’s driving and get it all planned out. It’ll take us a while but we’re trying as hard as we can but we’ll eventually get there. We try our best to keep our promises one way or the other.
I’ll save my mind for those who’ll understand. I’ll save my feelings for those who matter and those who’ll care. I’ll save my heart-felt ventings for those who’ll listen. I’ll save what I have to offer to those who’d do the same. I’ll save my mistakes for those who are willing to correct me when they know I’m at fault. I’ll save my heart for one who happens to break through all walls I tend to put up. For one who actually works out all complications I sometimes bring. I don’t have to prove myself for anyone. I don’t have to present myself accordingly to how someone assumes I should be. I don’t have to constantly meet your expectation because I know what I’m capable of doing and I don’t have to do it here. Or wherever else your dictations take me. I choose not to display certain capabilities for certain reasons. I’ll save all of my best for a helping hand- guide me when I’m lost, warm me when I’m cold, for one that can put my whole world on hold. For a heedful ear- that knows what I say beyond the words expressed, knows better even if there was no words spoken. Thank you for those who constantly give and take no matter what. Give their all, but unfortunately only receive half of what they deserve.
